Monday, April 19, 2010

Raising a Friends Child

Well, I have had Mr. Man living with me for about a month. Wow time flies. We have good days and bad. What I have the hard time with is not fitting into any boxes. We are not foster care or an apoted parent. Nor have we raised him for the first fourteen years or are we his only parents. I am a glenner of inforamtion. I great at listen or reading what other people have to say and finding was to make it work for me and those around me. I have not been able to find any books on raising a friends kid. How do you blance the reltionship they have with you and with their parents? How do you reguide them at the same time teach them to love their real parents.  I all I can do is take this one day at a time. I learn more of what to do everyday.  So far I have learn Six things.
  1. Understand their past- Each child's past will be different but if you know their past you will know how to help them better.
  2. Don't think the parents will help- I have gotten little to no help with money, ideas on ways to help them, or with any questions you may have. I am on a island and I know there is information out there but I can't swim to it.
  3. Listen to hidden fears/answers- I have learned Mr. Man shuts down if someone is mad at him. Yelling at him or even raising your voice a little it is all over. He loses all control and everyone around will see it. I learn this by his words each time he does something wrong. Anytime he thinks someone is mad or may get mad at him; He say over and over "Please don't be at at me". It is important with all kids to look for the hiden  answers. Please remember each child will be different.
  4. They need time- They need time to heal and understand what is going on. They need you time to be a listening ear, guide, someone to play with, and most of all they need your time to parent them in a new way.
  5. If you can make room in your heart you can make room in your house.- My house without using the basement as living space is less than 1,000 square feet. With the basement that we now us for two bed rooms it is not much more than 1,000 square feet. 
  6. Reward Reward Reward-Each time Mr. Man does something good I make sure he know I a happy are reward them. Kids who come from a hard life often missed out on this.
I am blessed to have Mr. Man and I hope that God will use me for big things in this young man's life. If you are a guardian of you friends or family child remember more than anything they need love.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        


Ticia said...

What a wonderful friend you're being.

Mary said...

Thanks. It is more for the boy than my friend. He needs a "mom" who loves him and shows it no matter what.

Kristenph said...

That is such a gernerous thing you are doing opening your home to another child. I pray that you are all blessed by the experience.

Anonymous said...

:) I think that is great I have a similar situation with a friend and I have gone back and forward...but it's not the child's fault I want to help it's a newborn and will change my entire lifestyle. You just encouraged me!