Getting the wanted behavior out of any child is hard. I harder to get a child who has learned the only bad thing you can do is make others mad. Mr. Man had learned many co-oping skills to help him not make others mad most of which are not that great. This has cause Mr. Man to not understand that doing things wrong is what make others mad. We get in trouble at my house not based on how mad I am but what you did wrong. The more things you do in an acceptable manner the more fun you get to have. If you don't do your home work or good in school then life is not very fun. Mr. Man has I hard time understanding that. So when he told me about Scoobies I jump at trying to use them with him. It is a great idea that a counselor he and his mom saw back home tried to start with them a few years ago. Now living here we are using it.
What are Scoobies? The name is made up by Mr. Man. They are just Nylon Weaving Loops (used for crafts) giving to Mr. Man for good behavior. They are used to show Mr. Man good behavior earns him more fun. They work as a visual way to say when I like when you do this now you can do what you like too. We do this as a positive why to teach. You could use anything or call it anything you want. This is what works for us.
Why it works great? By naming it Mr. Man feels he owns it. He is proud of it and tells everyone he meets about them. I like it because they are easy to carry with me. I often keep some on my arm.
How does he earn them? I talked to the school his first week here and they give him a chance to earn them for each class. Mr. Man has a paper that his teacher each circle yes or no on and sign. It has made him want to behave at school to get them. At home he gets them for doing all his morning and bed time stuff on his own without whining or having to be told. Also for things like behaving like a 14 year old in the store, helping with Girlygirl when asked, doing chores or anytime he is caught being good.
What does he do with all the Scoobies he earns? Sweetdude and I came up with a plan of things he can do with them. From TV time to outing with us or friends. I will post soon a list of all we do.
***Remember to find what works for your family and do that until it is not working any more***
Please feel free to ask questions if you want to know more or my opinion on anything. I will be a post about it soon.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Monday, April 19, 2010
Well, I have had Mr. Man living with me for about a month. Wow time flies. We have good days and bad. What I have the hard time with is not fitting into any boxes. We are not foster care or an apoted parent. Nor have we raised him for the first fourteen years or are we his only parents. I am a glenner of inforamtion. I great at listen or reading what other people have to say and finding was to make it work for me and those around me. I have not been able to find any books on raising a friends kid. How do you blance the reltionship they have with you and with their parents? How do you reguide them at the same time teach them to love their real parents. I all I can do is take this one day at a time. I learn more of what to do everyday. So far I have learn Six things.
- Understand their past- Each child's past will be different but if you know their past you will know how to help them better.
- Don't think the parents will help- I have gotten little to no help with money, ideas on ways to help them, or with any questions you may have. I am on a island and I know there is information out there but I can't swim to it.
- Listen to hidden fears/answers- I have learned Mr. Man shuts down if someone is mad at him. Yelling at him or even raising your voice a little it is all over. He loses all control and everyone around will see it. I learn this by his words each time he does something wrong. Anytime he thinks someone is mad or may get mad at him; He say over and over "Please don't be at at me". It is important with all kids to look for the hiden answers. Please remember each child will be different.
- They need time- They need time to heal and understand what is going on. They need you time to be a listening ear, guide, someone to play with, and most of all they need your time to parent them in a new way.
- If you can make room in your heart you can make room in your house.- My house without using the basement as living space is less than 1,000 square feet. With the basement that we now us for two bed rooms it is not much more than 1,000 square feet.
- Reward Reward Reward-Each time Mr. Man does something good I make sure he know I a happy are reward them. Kids who come from a hard life often missed out on this.